Meaningful Kiss
by Tfanatic
Summary: It's a fact that EdwardBella were meant to be, but what happens when Edward breaks up with her because of his fear of hurting her? What happens when Jake kisses Bella and Edward returns. Bella is more confused than ever, but who will she choose?
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

"I don't want anything to happen to you Bella."

"Nothing will."

"How can I ever be sure of that?"

I bit my bottom lip. I knew this wasn't a good time to bring it up, but I couldn't help it. "If you turned me-"

"No." Edward said immediately, not letting me finish. "Absolutely not, no."

"Edward," I complained, "you didn't even let me finish."

"I don't have to. I already know what you're going to say."

"You're not being fair and you're not being reasonable!" I exclaimed. I knew I was whining, yet I was powerless to stop it.

"I'm being perfectly fair and perfectly reasonable. Bella, you have the gift of being mortal. You don't know how lucky you are to have that. I won't have you living a soulless life like me. Do you really want to be a damned creature of the night? Drinking blood? A monster?"

"You're not a monster Edward." I said, not liking how he brought himself down like that. He didn't give himself enough credit.

"Regardless, my answer is still no. I won't allow it."

"But this is what I want."

"You say that now, but you don't really know what you want."

I took a step towards Edward and held his hand as I said "I know I want to be with you, forever."

Edward smiled and traced my lower lip with his finger, causing my heart to flutter. "I believe that," he whispered.

He then leaned in and kissed me tenderly. It was a light kiss, a feather on the lips if you will, but it still left my heart pounding and somehow I was breathless. I smiled, knowing that I could never share this feeling with anyone else.

Edward smiled, but then frowned and said "I shouldn't have done that."

I tilted my head to the side in confusion and asked "Why not?" Edward always kissed me.

"It's not good for me to be around you. I cause only problems for you."

"What are you talking about?"

"After what happened with Jasper….Bella, I could never live with myself if anything happened to you, and much less if it was caused by me or my family."

I sighed. So the incident with Jasper still haunted him. "Edward that was just a horrible accident. Jasper didn't mean too."

"I know he didn't mean too. He cares about you too, but that still doesn't change the fact that it happened and it could happen again. Not just with him, but with another member of my family or even me."

I shook my head and said "That's crazy. You're just being paranoid."

"You shouldn't trust me so much Bella."

"You shouldn't doubt yourself so much Edward. You need to trust yourself the way I trust you."

"I can't take that risk. I want no possibility of you getting hurt or anything happening to you."

"What do you mean you can't take that risk?" I asked, letting go of his hand. I didn't like where this conversation was going.

Edward touched my cheek tenderly before saying "Bella, you know I love you more than anything in this world, more than life itself."

I smiled. I believed that. "I love you too Edward."

"I would die if anything happened to you."

"Nothing will."

"You can't be sure of that. Not as long as you're around me and my family. Look what happened with James and then that incident with Jasper. No matter how hard I try, I can never fully protect you because the greatest danger you face is me."

"You think you're a danger to me?" I asked in disbelief. Surely he'd gone a little crazy.

"I _know_ I'm a danger to you. Every day I live in fear of losing you and it drives me crazy. Bella, I think it's for the best if I'm no longer a danger in your life. If I'm no longer _in_ your life."

I frowned, getting a little nervous. I definitely did not like where this conversation was going. "What are you talking about?"

"I think it's best if we just end it here now before anything happens to you. We should just….go our separate ways."

My hand immediately flew to my neck, trying to push down the lump that was forming there. I found it very hard to breathe and had to take deep breaths. "Wha-what?" I asked, hearing the crack at the end of my voice. Edward heard it too because immediate pain showed on his face and he turned away from me.

"I should go," he finally whispered.

He walked out the door, not bearing to look at me. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth to stop the sob that was threatening to emerge. No, this wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. How had we gone from a kiss and declaring our never ending love for each other to…this?! I shook my head. This WAS NOT happening. I took a deep breath and found the will to still move my legs. I walked out the door, following Edward outside to where he stood in front of his car. So he was really leaving.

"Edward," I whispered.

He sighed and turned around, grief written all over his face.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, not bothering to hide the pain in my voice anymore.

"I don't want to do this either Bella. It's killing me as much as it's killing you, but it's for the best."

"For the best? What about my heart Edward? It's not the best for my heart." "You know what I mean." "No I don't. Why don't you tell me because it's really simple to me. I love you and you love me, as simple as that. Screw what's for the best." I said, getting angrier by the minute.

Edward sighed and said "You'll thank me one day. I'm doing this for you."

"For me? For me?!" I almost screeched. I was going from sad to angry, and I didn't know how to stop the rollercoaster emotions of my hysterics. "Tell me how the hell you're doing this for me Edward!" I yelled at him and punched his shoulder with my fist.

Of course Edward's skin was like smooth hard marble, so he didn't feel a thing yet it somehow helped me to take out my anger on him. He didn't answer though and instead just didn't say anything. "Answer me!"

"I know it's hard to be brea-…going or separate ways."

"Going our separate ways, is that what you call this? This is more like…." I trailed off and I finally realized the message behind his words. I'd known it all along, I just hadn't wanted to believe it. Tears threatened to spill and I tried hard to hold them back. I looked into his eyes and saw all my pain and obvious grief mirrored in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out. I cleared my throat and finally managed to whisper "Are you breaking up with me?"

Edward put his hand over his mouth, as if to stop his own sob from escaping and couldn't look me in the eyes. I shook my head and whispered "You don't mean this, any of this."

Edward didn't say anything. The silence was killing me so I said "If you're going to do it then just do it. Stop using words to cover it up and giving me reasons. Do it. Break up with me." It was a challenge, almost a dare and I could feel the anger start to bubble up in me again at his silence. "Do it," I said and pushed him. When he didn't say anything, I started to push him again. I don't know what demon overcame me but I started hitting his chest angrily while yelling "Do it dammit, do it! Break up with me, just say it! Do it!" Edward turned away from me and started getting in his car. I pushed him in, slamming the door when he was inside and screamed "You're a coward! Just go and leave then! It doesn't matter, I hate you! I hate you!"

Edward started the engine and for moment I thought I saw a tear in his eye, yet my hysterical rage was uncontrollable. "Fine, go! Leave!" I screamed and kicked his car wheel. Tears were streaming down my face and I wiped them away with the back of my hand. I was breathing heavily and started taking deep breaths to calm myself down. When I was a bit calmer, I realized what I'd done and was filled with a sense of doom.

I shook my head and asked fearfully "Wait, we're not really breaking up are we? This is just a stupid fight we're having, it's not, it's not happening. Tomorrow it will be like it never happened, right?" I asked.

I grabbed on to Edward's car door desperately and pleaded "We're not really breaking up, are we?"

Edward didn't say anything, instead he just looked over at me, looking deep into my eyes. And in that one single look I saw everything. In his eyes I saw pain, grief, and watery tears. I realized how stupid I'd been, going hysterical on him like that. Of course this was affecting him. It was hurting him to and this crazy scene I'd just made wasn't helping. Maybe if I would have talked to him calmly then he could have changed his mind and I wouldn't be here right now, in this position. I'd screwed up everything, just like I usually did. Edward looked away and I let go of his car door, watching him drive off until he was not only a small speck, but completely out of sight. I crumbled to the ground, right there in front of my house. I didn't care if Charlie came home and saw me. I didn't care if the neighbors or someone from school saw me. I didn't care if anyone saw me. I didn't care about anything anymore. I closed my eyes and let the tears freely fall. I hugged myself tight and sobbed, knowing that nothing would ever be the same again.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone thanks for reading my story. Sorry if the prologue was all jumbled up and confusing. It was my first time posting a story so I guess I was entitled to make at least one mistake. Anyways, please review, even if its 2 tell me that it sucks so that I'll know how I can fix my story. Thanks everyone, enjoy!(And if you don't then well, just review I guess).

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**Chapter 1**

I laughed and said "Jacob, your jokes are so lame."

Jacob smiled and said "True, but they make you laugh anyway and that's what makes it all worthwhile."

I smiled fondly at Jacob, wondering what I would ever do without him. I wouldn't have survived these past months without Jacob. Ever since Edward had-No. My mind immediately shut down. No, I wouldn't think of that. Not now, not that I was here having fun with Jacob.

Jacobs smile left his face and he asked "What's wrong?"

He'd noticed my change of attitude. I shook my head and said "Nothing."

"Bella I know you and I know that something's wrong. It's written all over your face."

I sighed. I always had been a terrible liar.

"You were thinking about the Cullen boy again, weren't you?" Jacob asked quietly.

"His name is Edward." I corrected him. Mentioning his name caused my heart to flutter. Though Edward had broken my heart and though I'd cried for weeks, I still felt a need to protect him and hated when Jacob called him _the Cullen boy_.

"Well then you were thinking about...Edward?"

I sighed and nodded, avoiding his gaze. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that Edward was gone forever, that it was no use to still think about him, I couldn't help but remember his face. I couldn't help but remember his eyes or the smooth marble of his chest when he held me. I couldn't help but remember the sweet melodious voice of his when he told me that he loved me and I couldn't help but remember how his eyes glittered with laughter when I would get angry with him. I couldn't help but remember _him_.

"You still love him, don't you?" Jacob asked.

"Jacob, can we please not talk about it?" I asked, wanting to avoid the topic.

"I just think he's an idiot. What guy in his right mind would ever let you go?"

I smiled at Jacobs compliment but didn't answer. I had a feeling it was more of a rhetorical question anyway.

"He's a coward and I can't believe he treated you like that. He should have never made you so miserable and what's even worse is that he made you cry."

My smile disappeared and I sighed. "I repeat, can we please not talk about this?"

"You didn't deserve any of this. All you did was love him. I hate how much he hurt you and I hate how depressed he made you. I hate him for that." Jacob said angrily.

I looked over at Jacob, seeing how angry he was. Funny, seeing as how he wasn't the one who got his heart slaughtered. I put my hand on Jake's shoulder so that he would look at me. My heart swelled up a bit. Jake cared about me enough to worry and enough to hate Edward for hurting me. Of course, I didn't like the hating Edward part. Even though Edward had hurt me and even though I'd literally gone through hell these last couple of months, I could never find it in me to hate him. I'd loved him to strongly to ever hate him and even though I hadn't spoken about it, I knew that deep in my heart I still did. The love I'd had for Edward and still did wasn't something you could easily forget, no matter how long it had been.

"Hating someone gets us nowhere in life Jacob. All it does is fill us with anger and in the end we end up empty anyway."

Jacob sighed and looked at me. He smiled and asked "When did you get so wise, Yoda?"

I smiled and said "I've always been wise, my young pad wan."

Jacob's smile got bigger and a sly look came across his features. "Guess what?" He asked

mysteriously.

"What?" I asked.

"Guess."

"I don't like guessing games. Just tell me."

"You have to guess."

"I never guess right."

Jacob sighed and said "Man do you complain."

I smiled and said "It's so I won't have to guess and you can just tell me."

"If you don't guess then you take away the fun of the game, but okay, if you insist. I shall tell you the grand secret." Jacob said and pretended to do a suspense drum roll.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. Jacob could be so crazy sometimes. Jacob pulled me towards him so that our foreheads would be touching, but we accidentally clonked heads instead. We both laughed and rubbed our bruise.

"Ow, that hurt." I said.

"No kidding." Jacob said, still rubbing his forehead. "Okay, resume position." Jacob said in a fake general voice.

I leaned in so that our foreheads were touching wondering what his grand surprise was,

though I suspected it was nothing and he was just bothering me, like he usually did.

"Do you remember how your favorite band was having a concert but you couldn't get any tickets because they were all sold out?"

"Uhuh," I said, not being able to nod since our foreheads were touching.

Jacob pulled something out of his pocket and held up before him two tickets. "Well I got the tickets."

My eyes widened and I practically jumped on him to give him a gigantic hug. "Thank you thank you, thank you!" I exclaimed.

We fell on my bed and Jacob laughed. "Your welcome. Anything for a friend."

"How'd you do it?"

"Ah, that's a secret." Jacob said, trying to be mysterious again.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Well thanks, this means a lot to me."

"They're just tickets."

"Yeah but tickets or not, this means a lot to me because you did it thinking of me." I said and stroked Jacob's cheek tenderly.

Jake smiled and I smiled in return. He looked at me for a second, as if contemplating something before he leaned in towards me. Out of instinct, I leaned a bit back.

Jacob pulled back and said "Sorry, sorry."

"What were you doing?" I asked.

"Nothing I…Here, let me try something. Promise me you won't get mad though."

I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion, thinking _okay,_ and said "I promise I won't get mad."

"Okay, just close your eyes and don't say anything. It's just something I've wanted to try for awhile, and please don't get offended. Or maybe I should just forget it."

I closed my eyes and tried hard not to smile. Hearing Jacob stressed out was funny, and kind of cute. "Whatever you're going to do Jacob, just do it." I wondered what he was going to do and then suddenly I remembered his words. _It's just something I've wanted to try for awhile…_It was the exact same thing Edward had said the first time he'd kissed me. I knew right then and there that Jacob Black was going to kiss me. Before I could react or decide what to do, Jacob's lips fell upon mine and I realized he was kissing me. His lips softly, almost timidly, touched mine and something stirred inside of me. I hadn't been kissed in so long and I was surprised to find myself enjoying it. The kiss got a bit deeper and suddenly Edward's face sprang up in my mind. I gasped and immediately pulled away from Jacob.

Jacob's face turned red in embarrassment and he immediately said "Sorry! Sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

I put my mouth over my hand, not believing my lips had touched someone that was other than Edward. I didn't know what to say.

"Um, I should go." Jacob said and practically ran out of my room


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! That boosted my confidence up a bit, so thanks! By the way, sorry I took so long 2 update.

**Chapter 3 **

"Jacob wait!" I yelled and ran after him. I didn't know what I was going to say to him, but I didn't want it to end like this. If I let him leave then I knew things would never be the same between us. Whenever we'd see each other we'd shuffle our feet nervously and stare at the floor awkwardly. I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to lose a good friendship and replace it with awkward glances and the need to avoid each other. Jacob heard me and turned around. I was panting and waited a few minutes to catch my breath before talking. "Jacob, you're my best friend. I don't want things to change between us because of what just happened."

Jacob gave me a small smile before saying "I don't want things to change between us either Bella." He sighed and said "You have no idea how stupid I feel right now. I should have never kissed you."

"Do you regret it?" I asked, surprised at the bit of disappointment in my voice.

Jacob shook his head and gave me that small smile again. "Strangely enough, no. I don't regret it. I've been wondering what would happen if I kissed you for a long time now and I'm glad that I did because now I don't have to wonder anymore."

I smiled, thinking that he really was a sweet guy.

"Bella, I know that you're still in love with Edward and that nothing I ever do or say will change that but you've got to let him go. He's gone and I'm….I'm here."

I cocked my head to the side in confusion and asked "What do you mean by that?"

Jacob sighed and said "Bella, I have feelings for you that are stronger than most normal friendships, which I'm sure you've probably figured out by now."

I bit my bottom lip, trying to suppress the smile that was struggling to break free. He was right about that.

"I care a lot about you Bella. I think about you all the time and I know you don't think of me that way but I was thinking, what if we gave it a chance? I know that maybe you can never love me the way you loved him, but I know I could make you happy."

My eyes widened and I was sure I'd stopped breathing. I hadn't expected this. He was a sweet guy and he was my best friend, but I just didn't know.

"I don't know Jacob."

Jacob nodded and looked down at the floor. I could sense his disappointment in the air. I didn't want to let him down or hurt him, but I just wasn't sure. I didn't know if I was ready for another relationship, not yet. But then again, maybe this was the right thing to do. Maybe this was a sign that I should get over Edward. Jacob hadn't asked for one, but I felt that I owed him an explanation. "Jacob, it's nothing personal against you. Really, it's not. It's just that ever since Edward left….When he left…." I took a deep breath, trying to find a way to explain myself. Okay. "When Edward left, he hurt me. Not physically but on the inside. I felt horrible. I wanted to die and I just felt like there was nothing to live for. I stayed crying in bed for months. I literally went through hell and I…I don't…I don't ever want to feel that way again."

Jacob looked up at me and I saw that his face had softened. He took a step towards me and took a hold of my hands. He shook his head and said honestly "I love you Bella. I always have and you have to know that I would never hurt you."

My eyes widened at his words. He loved me? I knew he cared about me, but I'd never realized the depth of his feelings were for me. I could feel the sting of tears burn at my eyes, like they always did when I was feeling sentimental.

"You love me?" I whispered, still a bit stunned at his confession.

Jacob nodded and said "I know this makes things between us even more awkward but I've held it inside for so long….I just wanted you to know." He let go of my hands, probably thinking that I was feeling awkward with this new piece of trivia I'd just learned.

Suddenly Jacob's cell phone started ringing. Billy's name was on the caller id.

Jacob looked up at me and said "I have to take this."

I nodded in understanding and watched him talk to Billy. Jacob was a great guy. He was sweet, funny, understanding, very likeable, and very cute. He always brought me up when I was down, he always knew how to put a smile on my face, and he was fun to hang out with. He understood me, we had a million things in common, and he respected me. He was a dream guy, the perfect boyfriend, yet I was still uncertain. I felt that if I got involved with Jacob then I would somehow be betraying Edward. But I shouldn't feel like that, Edward was the one who had betrayed me. And besides, I wasn't with him anymore. He'd left me and instead of pining away for him I should be trying to move on. Jacob was right. I knew that Jacob could make me happy and I really did enjoy being in his company. The problem was that I didn't love Jacob the way he loved me and I didn't know if I could ever love anyone that way again. But maybe Jacob was right, maybe I should give him a chance. After all, love wasn't something that always immediately happened. It was something that took time to grow and wasn't that what Jacob was asking? I was certain that over time I could grow to love Jacob that way. I bit my bottom lip. But Edward…..No! Forget Edward. That chapter in my life had closed now and it was time to move on, though a tiny little voice in my head argued against that. I pushed that little voice away. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. My decision was made.

Jacob got off the phone and said "That was Billy. I have to go but I'll come by later to pick you up for the concert."

I nodded and opened my mouth but stopped when Jacob put up his hand in a stop signal.

"Bella before you say anything, I don't want you to feel guilty or weird around me. I don't want you to feel forced to like me that way and you don't have to tell me that you love me just so I won't feel bad. I..."

Jacob continued to babble but I just smiled, not really listening. He talked a lot when he was nervous, a lot like me. To silence him, I leaned into him and planted a small kiss on his lips.

Jacob's eyes widened in surprise and I could see the smile the corners of his lips were trying to suppress as he asked "What was that for?"

I smiled and said "Jacob Black, will you be my boyfriend?"

Jacob's eyes widened even more and I could tell that he hadn't been expecting this. I could see the complete joy written all over his face, but he quickly hid it and said "You don't have to do this you know."

"I know," I said and watched his face fall a little, "but I want too," I added.

"Are you sure?" Jacob asked.

He was such a nice guy, always thinking about me before himself. A lot like Edward use to do. I quickly blocked that thought from my mind. I nodded and said "Yeah, I'm sure." Jacob smiled happily and pulled me into a tight hug. I smiled and hugged him back. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something move in the woods. I squinted my eyes to see, but there was nothing there. I frowned. Could it be? No, I would not think of that. Not now, not ever. I hugged Jacob tighter, pushing away all thoughts of Edward Cullen.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry it's taking so long for me to post my chapters. Everything lately has been really hectic, so I've been really busy and stressed. I hope you enjoy this Chapter because it's the last one I'm writing for this week (maybe, it depends on homework and other such useless annoying things like that). I have to finish all the books I checked out at the library before next week so that they won't become overdue, I'm constantly talking on the phone with my friends, I finally got over the guy I've been in love with for like a year(I think. He know is now going out with one of my friends, but I'm okay with that), and I'm trying to get over my depression from reading The Eclipse(my poor Jacob!) So as you can see, my week has been very busy and already full of so much drama. I think this might be one of my worst chapters because I'm kind of in a hurry, but at least I posted something. Please review and thank you to all my fans!

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**Chapter 3**

I lay in my pajamas, recounting the days events in my head. Jacob and I had so much

fun at the concert and I hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. I smiled. He was great.

Yet as I closed my eyes and drifted off into sleep, it wasn't Jacob that I began to dream

of. Instead, I dreamed of a handsome dark angel watching over me and whispering that

he loved me.

"Bella," my angel whispered into my ear softly, "I'm so sorry."

I felt him tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"I never meant to hurt you but it was for the best, don't you see? I could never live with myself if anything ever happened to you. I love you more than life itself, more than anything in the world, and I'd rather have you alive in the arms of another than to ever see you in a casket under ground. You deserve so much better than me Bella. I want you to go to college, to marry someone, to have children, and to be happy. You can't have all that if you're with me."

He sighed and I felt him stroke my cheek sweetly.

"I know that it's best for you, but imagining being away from you is nothing compared to the actual thing. I don't know how I'm going to survive without you Bella. It physically hurts, but I have to make this one sacrifice for you to be happy. I just…I had to see you, one more time."

I then felt him lean in and press his lips against my cheek. I sighed and smiled dreamingly. I had my angel here with me. What more could I want? Everything was perfect. I heard him quietly leave and wondered why if this was a dream, then why did it feel so real?

After awhile this thought floated from my mind and I drifted deeper into sleep. I began to dream again, and for the second time tonight I dreamt of my angel. He was standing there in that meadow that he'd taken me too that day, back when there was nothing but us and our love. He held out his hand, waiting for me to take it and join him. The sun shone on us brightly and his smooth marble skin glittered like a thousand shining jewels. His skin brightly shimmered and I had to blink or risk being blinded.

"Bella." He whispered and though he was miles away from me, I could hear him whisper my name perfectly, as if he were right beside me.

I couldn't help but smile at hearing his lovely voice and walked towards him. There was only one problem. Every time I walked towards him, he seemed to be getting farther away. I was pretty sure he wasn't moving, yet I could never reach him. It's as if the ground itself was creating more space and more miles in a way that was unreadable so

that I could never reach my destination, no matter how much or how long I walked.

Desperately, I ran towards him but as before, I went through the same thing. I frowned

and huffed in annoyance.

Suddenly, I could feel someone's presence behind me. I slowly turned around and saw a bright light shine. I shielded my eyes and when the light was gone, there was none other than Jacob Black standing before me. He smiled and held out his hand as well, waiting for me to take it.

I turned around to look Edward. He was still miles away, but I could see the anxious look on his face, waiting for me to take his hand.

I turned back around to look at Jacob, not sure whose hand to take. I hesitated, but reached out towards Jacob to see if he would become out of reach like Edward. To my surprise, I grasped his hand firmly and he didn't get farther away.

He smiled and said "Come on Bella, we have to go."

His voice seemed to echo around, repeating the ends of every word he said. He gently tugged on my hand but I didn't move. Instead I looked at Edward, wondering how I could reach Jacob but not him.

"I want to go over there," I said slowly and pointed towards Edward.

Jacob squinted and said "There's no one there."

I frowned and said "Over there!"

Jacob took a few steps toward Edward's direction and squinted some more. "Oh," he said in realization.

He walked in the opposite of Edward's direction and said "Come one, let's go."

"Where?" I asked.

"Come on, let's go," he repeated as if he were in a trance and hadn't heard me at all.

"I want to go over there," I said slowly.

"Why? It's so far away. You'll never make it."

"I want to try."

"Why? It's so far away. You'll never make it," he repeated again, sounding a lot like a

broken record.

"I've got to try. I've got to believe that I can make it." I said and pulled

my hand away from him.

Jacob's face showed disappointment, but he let me go, understanding that this was something I needed to do. I walked towards Edward, knowing full well that I couldn't reach him but that I had to try or I'd never know. I'd never know _what if_.

I had two beautiful angels before me, but I could only choose one. I knew that Jacob was the easy choice, the one I could easily reach, but yet my heart wanted the dark angel. Yes it was the harder choice and yes I might never reach him, but I had to try. My heart desired that unknown, if not reaching it then at least knowing I had tried. I would take that risk, even if it only meant getting a small glimpse or a small touch, but it was better than not having his touch or glimpse at all. I would seek him because it was what my heart desired, what it had always desired from the start and it always would. So even though my feet sank into treacherous quick sand, I continued walking. Every inch getting closer, reaching for my dark angel.

I woke up and rubbed my eyes, yawning tiredly. My dream quickly sprang up in my memory and I instantly wiggled my toes. They were clean and dry, not hopelessly stuck inside quick sand and not tired from walking. I rubbed my legs. They felt weird after that dream. I thought of both dreams I'd had, wondering what they meant. Why had I chosen to walk towards Edward instead of Jacob and why did I dream that Edward had been in my room. Both dreams had seemed so real, but the first one, the one where Edward had been in my room, was the one that hadn't felt like I was dreaming. It had felt like I was drowsy, but not completely asleep. As if I was half asleep but a conscious part of my mind knew I was still awake and knew it wasn't a dream.

I blinked a bit and after awhile I noticed that I'd been feeling some small refreshing cool spot on my left cheek. I gently touched it, wondering if I'd rubbed my cheek on my pillow over night. Though it didn't really feel like a scratch and it didn't burn. It felt more like I'd been kissed. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I widened my eyes in shock. In my first dream, Edward had kissed me before he'd left. Could it be….? No, it was just a dream. But, what if it wasn't? This wasn't the first time he would have sneaked into my room to watch me sleep. He could have snuck in quietly, so that I'd never know. No, no. Edward was gone and I had to stop creating possibilities in my mind. But as I sat in my bed with my hand on my cheek, I couldn't help but wonder. Was he back? And if he was, what did that mean for me?


	5. Chapter 5

I am so sorry!!!!!!!!! I know, I haven't written here in since like forever, I've just been really preoccupied with school and all itz drama. You know; fights with friends, heartbreaker guys, rumors about certain people making out with certain people they're not suppose to, annoying teachers, endless homework, continuing library books that never seem to end and keep coming, reports, due drafts that I still haven't turned in, and the infatuation with sappy romance movies that make me cry. Also, my new obsession with The Phantom Of The Opera movie and Across The Universe which was weird but really good 2 in a weird good way, lol. Anyways, enough excuses, here's my next chapter to all my fans(if I have any left, again, I'm so sorry!!!!!!!).

Next Chapter(I'm so sorry for it being so long since I've written!!!! And I'm sorry that it's so short, but I'm sort of busy, sorry again!)

I smiled as Jacob and I walked hand in hand to my front door step. It was a little strange and it took some time to get use to, but it was kind of nice too. We turned towards each other and he smiled.

"Here it is." Jacob said.

I nodded my head.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Again, I nodded.

He leaned in and at first I thought he was going to kiss me, but then I realized too late that he was going to hug me and my mouth ended up hitting his shoulder. Oops. "Ow," I said, rubbing my lower lip. Jacob laughed.

"Smart move Bella."

I could feel my face turning beet red in embarrassment as my eyes widened. "I'm so sorry!"

Jacob laughed again, finding this extremely funny though I didn't see the reason why. "Let's try that again," he said with a smile and I nodded, still a bit embarrassed.

These things always had to happen to me. Why was I born with the horrible gift of always being such a clutz?

He leaned in and I stood still, trying not to use my hands incase I accidently hit him or something. To my surprise he pulled me towards him and planted a kiss on my lips, leaving me stunned and a little breathless. Suddenly it didn't matter that I had just completely embarrassed myself a few minutes earlier. In fact nothing mattered except the simple pleasurable fact that his lips were on mine and I was again surprised to find that I liked it, a lot. He pulled away and I breathed out, little puffs of air coming out of my mouth on this cold night. Jacob laughed again and hugged me before walking back towards his motorcycle.

"Bye!" He yelled at me.

"Bye!" I yelled back at him. I watched him drive away and couldn't help but smile.

I'd always wondered what on earth I'd ever done to deserve so much pain, so much sadness. I'd wondered why God had punished me with having a broken heart, why he'd taken away my precious dark angel. But now my life was perfect, it was great and I understood that it wasn't a punishment but instead just a faze of life. To have happiness and joy you first had to go through pain and hurt, you had to earn it. I frowned, knowing that I was kidding myself. My life wasn't perfect and as happy as I was, it was nothing compared to when I was with Edward. I instantly closed my eyes and silently cursed under my breath. _Edward._ I'd tried so hard no to think about it and I had succeded until this point. Why did he keep coming up in my mind? Even though he was gone, nothing changed because either way he was always with me. I could feel his prescence everywhere I went, as if he were haunting me. And at night, whenever I closed my eyes, it was him that appeared in my dreams. I sighed. Maybe I wasn't as over him as I thought I was. Perhaps, even though I denied it, just maybe a small piece of my heart still belonged to him.

"Bella," a soft voice whispered as the wind blew a gentle breeze around me, causing a few leaves to scatter and my hair to fly around my face.

In fear I quickly pushed my hair away from my face and looked around, but there was no one there. I tucked my hair gently behind my ears and listened carefully to see if I could hear anything again, but there was no sound except the rushing wind. I frowned and rubbed my goose bumped arms as another rush of wind blew by. I bit my bottom lip, a little afraid now and decided to go inside my house.

As I walked upstairs and into my room, I figured that I must have been imagining it. Of course I had. Who else would it be? _Bella Swan you're going insane_, I thought with a chill.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I finished brushing my teeth and walked to my room. I was so tired, all I wanted to do was fall into bed and never get back up. I got

into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. It was a cold night and that voice I'd heard had left me with chills, yet a bit of hope as

well. As unlogical and as small as the possibility was, a small part of me couldn't help but believe that it was Edward, watching over me

as always. I closed my eyes and sighed. Why couldn't I just stop? Why did Edward always have to come into my mind and dreams?

Why couldn't I just let him go? I hated how weak I was whenever it came to him. I hated that I couldn't let him go and I hated how

I could never stop caring about him. But most of all I hated how no matter how hard I tried to push away the truth, the truth was that

really I didn't _want_ to let him go and that made it so much worse. It wasn't fair, not only to me but to Jacob as well because he loved

me so much and though I tried to, I just couldn't seem to make myself love him back. The thing was that I did actually love Jacob, a

lot, but I just couldn't seem to love him as much as Edward and I doubted that I ever could. I could never love anyone the way I'd

loved Edward and still did. Ugh, I hated it! In frustration, I screamed in my pillow, feeling much better at the releasal of my feelings. I

had too many mixed up feelings that I didn't understand and was to scared to try to understand that were inside of me. I squeezed my

eyes shut tightly and decided that I wasn't going to think anymore, just sleep. I needed sleep because if I continued to think and analyze

my emotions, I knew it was going to drive me insane. I needed to stop torturing myself with all of this and for once, just not _think._ I

pushed away all thoughts and tried to get some real sleep.

I lazily drew stars and constellations in the clouds, and with my finger I traced the outline of the moon. It was such a bright sunny day

and I laughed as I chased the flying dandelion through the breezy golden fields. Life couldn't get any simpler and sweeter than this, I

thought to myself and wondered why my thoughts could be heard here. Then I remembered it was because I was in my head and this

was just one of those good dreams that I had every now and then. As soon as I acknowledged this, it's as if this conclusion broke the

cloud of fantasy in my dreamworld and suddenly everything began to fade into fuzziness until it was gone completely and I was in a

dark room. My eyes, still a bit drowsy, did a lot of blinking before I realized that I was in my room and the lights were turned off. I

could hear a familiar clear voice whispering things I didn't understand and I cringed as it got louder and louder. At first the words were

hard to distinguish but as I began to listen, I heard my name somewhere along the lines. I was in a twilight zone, between awake and

asleep but I knew I wasn't that asleep anymore because I'd woken up of my dream. I rubbed at my eyes, trying to focus so I could be

awake and not so drowsy. This voice was coming from a figure that was bended down beside my bed. The moon's light bounced off

this sparkling figure, creating an eclipse with his shadow. He was speaking of a girl to whom he was sorry and whom he dearly loved.

I wondered who this girl was, when suddenly it all came to me at once and I was wide awake. It all hit me so fast and I didn't know

how to react, but instead just stood frozen with the knowledge in my head. Here was the person I'd cried over and secretly yearned for

all these months. This was the man that had broken my heart, yet was also the only one that I knew could piece it back together. This

beautiful angel was the vampire whom I desperately loved, and he was_ here._ Suddenly the spell was broken and I sat up with a sharp

gasp. My angel's head snapped up in shock, as if he hadn't expected me to be awake, but his shadowed face was unreadable. In

shock and realization that he was actually _here_, I gasped in little breaths and knew as everything began to fade into black that I was

going to faint. Before passing out, suddenly all time froze for a moment and all I could see was _him_ in my mind. _Edward._ Then I felt

myself fall and everything dissapeared.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm sorry I took so long 2 post this chapter and yeah, I know it's really short buh I've been really busy with homework and testing and trying 2 get into high school and stuff because the year's almost over and I'm stressing out! But anyway, I'll try 2 update the next chapter as soon as possible.

**Chapter 7**

I opened my eyes to find a blurry face hovering over me, trying to make sure I was okay. I instantly sat up as he jumped back in surprise. "Edward," I whispered, the name feeling strange on my tongue seeing as how I hadn't spoken it in months. "What are you doing here?"

His eyes searched mine, so many emotions boiling up there and I realized he didn't know what to say. And I realized suddenly that even if he did, what would _I _say? After everything that had happened, what was there to say?

"Bella," he whispered and instantly I melted.

It had been so long since I'd heard that voice say my name like that. And suddenly nothing mattered, all I cared about was that he was here again, back with me. My face softened and I reached out to touch his skin. He leaned in, almost desperately and sighed against the palm of my hand.

"Oh Bella I've missed you. Forgive me for everything, everything I've done. I'm an idiot. I thought if I pushed you away from me, if I wasn't in your life anymore than you would be safe and-"

"Shhh," I said, hushing him. I smiled, happy to simply have him near me again. "It doesn't matter, nothing matters. I'm just glad you're here with me. I love you."

Edward smiled, causing me to nearly stop breathing from all that dazzling beauty, and whispered "I love you too Bella."

Then he leaned his head against my chest and I stroked his hair as he listened to my beating heart. I smiled and felt the tears start to slowly slip down my cheeks. Finally, I was complete again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I sighed and stretched, not wanting to open my eyes but knowing I had too. Time to wake up. I opened my eyes and yawned, looking around for something I couldn't quite remember. And then suddenly I remembered last night and I sat up. "Edward?" I asked, but heard no reply. Instantly I panicked. Why wasn't he here? It couldn't have all been a dream, could it? No, it was real, it had to be. I got up from my bed and looked around but there was no Edward in sight.

Finally, I noticed a sticky notepad by my bed. I went over to read it and instantly smiled in relief.

_Bella, don't worry. I've gone out to...eat. I'll be back as soon as possible. I love you. -Edward_

I held the note to my heart and breathed in relief. It wasn't all a dream, it was real. Edward was back and we were together again, as everything should be. I almost laughed in joy if it hadn't been for the sudden phone ringing. I went over to the phone and asked happily "Yes?"

"Hey Bells, it's Jacob. How's my beautiful girlfriend this morning?"

My eyes widened in alarm and suddenly I remembered that I'd agreed to be Jacob's girlfriend. But that was before Edward had come back. And now...what would I do? I couldn't hurt Jacob, he'd been here for me when all the rest of the world had abandoned me. And I..what did I really feel for him? Friendship yes, trust and understanding yes, but love? That kind of love? Did I really love Jacob in that way?

"Bella? Bella are you there?"

I blinked. "Uh huh, yes, I'm here. Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I'm coming over right now. I bought you flowers."

"No!"

"What? Why not?"

I immediately softened my tone and said "I mean, not right now. I'm a mess and I'm not feeling well. I'll meet you at the beach later, okay? I've got...I've got something to tell you."

"Bella you know I don't care how you look. You're always beautiful to me. And I don't mind coming over to see if you're okay, I don't want you to be all alone while you're sick."

I smiled at his concern and his compliment. "Jacob you're so sweet. I..."

I don't deserve you, I wanted to say. How could I tell him about Edward after everything he'd done for me? It would break his heart and it would break mine as well if I ever hurt him. But I wanted to be with Edward, I'd missed him so much, yet a part of me whispered that it wasn't right. It wasn't right if it was going to be like this, not if it would hurt Jacob in the process. Jacob was a good person and he'd stuck by my side through everything and Edward had abandoned me when I'd needed him the most. _You're not being fair_ my mind whispered. Edward would never have left if it weren't a strong enough reason and I knew he'd only done it to protect me because he loved me. Otherwise he would never have left my side.

"I'll be alright, don't worry about me. I'll meet you later though, alright?"

"Alright. I love you."

I hesitated a few minutes before saying it back. "I love you too."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I slammed the phone down and cursed myself. Why had I done that? Now it would be more difficult for him when the time would come to tell him. I should be happy to have the chance to be with Edward again yet I found myself dreading his return and facing Jacob. I didn't want to hurt Jacob and I knew Edward wouldn't like any of this when I told him, but I had to tell the truth. Yet the thought of the look of betrayal and hurt on Jacob's face was enough to make me want to scream. I couldn't do it, I couldn't hurt him like that. After Edward had left I'd wanted to die, I couldn't do the same to Jacob. He didn't deserve it. I frowned suddenly. Did this mean I was choosing Jacob? No, of course not. So who was I choosing? I sighed and waited for Edward, dreading the reaction he'd have to the news I had for him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"What?" Edward demanded and threw me a look.

I turned away, not wanting to see his expression.

"Please don't be angry. I just...well you were gone and he was sweet and I felt bad and I was confused and..." My voice

trailed off as I saw him raise his hand to silence me.

He sighed. "Bella, it's alright. I understand. I love you and honestly I know it would have been better for you if you'd decided

to stay with him. I'm a danger to you."

I frowned. "Edward please don't start with that again. It would be worse for me if you were to shut yourself out of my life. I

can't live without you."

In an instant before I could even blink, Edward was right in front of me standing inches from my face and he gently stroked

my cheek. He sighed and looked into my eyes, causing my heart to beat so fast I feared I'd have an attack. He wrapped his

arms around me and I held him tight, surprised at the sudden intimacy between us that he was letting happen.

I felt him smelling my hair, breathing in my scent and he whispered "Bella I'm so sorry for leaving you. I never meant to hurt

you or cause you harm, you've got to know that. I did it for you."

I pulled away and saw the torture in his eyes. The fact that he had hurt me was killing him inside, I could see it in his face and

I felt tremendously guilty. I didn't want it to haunt him. I hated the fact that it caused him to suffer, even though he'd caused

me worse when he'd left.

I shook my head and pulled him close again, hugging those stone smooth muscled shoulders of his and whispered in his ear

"I know, I know. It's alright. Edward I love you and I'm glad we're together, that's all that matters to me. I don't care about

the rest. Don't torture yourself with those thoughts, the past is in the past."

I felt him nod his head on my shoulder but I knew the weight of the guilt was still burdening him and it made me feel terrible.

I held him tighter and closed my eyes, savoring the moment of having him here in my arms again. Nothing would come

between us or ruin this. I had him back again and I was going to treasure that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I walked briskly through the empty parking lot of Forks High School and breathed in the cold air in an attempt to calm down the nervous butterflies that were starting to flutter about in my stomach. I saw Jacob and my heart stopped then quickly started again as I stood frozen in a panic while he walked towards me. But no I couldn't run, I had to do this. I had to talk to him and tell him about Edward. As if I could run anyway, my feet were completely stuck to the ground. I took in a deep breath and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear as he reached me. His lit up face suddenly dropped its smile at seeing my expression. Suddenly I felt the horrible butterflies returning and for a moment I wondered if I'd really be able to do this.

"What's wrong Bells?"

I opened my mouth but hesitated and looked down at the floor instead so as not to see his hopeful face. _Come on Bella, you can _ _do this, _I told myself and looked back up at him.

"Bella what is it? Did something happen?"

I nodded and cleared my throat to speak.

"Yes, something happened. It's um, well...Jacob I don't want to hurt you but I don't want to lie to you either."

A look that crossed between worry and fear crossed his face and I knew that he knew that I was breaking up with him. I hated hurting him but what other choice did I have? I loved Edward and I couldn't lose him again. Besides, Jacob was always better as my best friend.

"I'm listening."

"I..." My voice faltered and I looked at the ground so I wouldn't have to see the hurt I knew would appear in his eyes.

"Jacob. Edward's back and he apologized for leaving me and we're...back together."

I held my breath to hear him explode but there was silence. I looked up and the expression on his face took me completely by surprise. There was hurt there yes, but also a look I'd never expected him to ever give me. Disgust.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I couldn't help but ask.

"How else do you expect me to look at you Bella? You say one thing and you do the opposite! What is wrong with you? Don't you know he's just going to hurt you again? And who's going to have to be there to pick up the pieces? I am. Why are you so weak?!"

I stared at him, stunned, and whispered "I'm not weak."

"No? Then why is it that every time he comes around you melt into this little puddle and believe whatever he tells you? He leaves you, breaks your heart, nearly destroys you with all the pain he caused, then all of a sudden he comes back and claims he's sorry and you forgive him just like that?! Things don't work that way Bella, where's your strength, your pride? You're weak and it's pathetic."

I stared at him in disbelief, in total shock that he was actually telling me this. What he was saying, it hurt. But it hurt even more the fact that these words were coming out of his mouth.

I could feel my cheeks turning bright red and my voice quivered in its restraint to hold back angry tears. From this moment on I hated Jacob Black, I hated him.

"Well I'm sorry Edward's not perfect and yes he makes mistakes but he did it to protect me because he thought it was best. He would never purposely hurt me unless there was a good reason but he came back, and you know why? Because he loves me Jacob, he loves me more than anyone and when he apologized the look in his eye was sincere. And I forgave him not because I'm weak but because he meant it and I'm not going to hold a bitter grudge for the rest of my life or try to hate him. Where will that take me? Nowhere and I'll end up like you, an angry bitter boy who never got the girl he wanted because she loved Edward and not you."

I spit out the last two trembling words and sucked in air in an almost gasp. For a moment I felt proud of myself for coming back at him but it quickly dissolved when I saw the immense hurt form in his eyes. Pain, so much pain showed on his face and suddenly I felt the tears sting at my eye harder than the fierce wind.

"Alright Bella, if that's what you really think about me then there's no reason for us to see each other anymore. Obviously I don't matter in your life and there's no reason for me to still be in it so I'll do you the favor of leaving your life for good." Jacob whispered before turning away.

I clenched my fists and looked away, feeling the weight of his pain burdening my shoulders with its guilt. Hurting him was the last thing I'd wanted to do, I'd been dreading it on my way here and yet I'd blindly done it and insulted him. The tears slowly started to fall down my cheeks and I reached out a hand though he was already far ahead of me.

"Jacob wait," I called out in a trembling voice but he kept on walking, either not hearing me or not caring.

I covered my mouth with my hand and closed my eyes, feeling more tears spilling out. Oh I'd made such a terrible mess out of everything. Jacob was right, what was wrong with me? Everything I wanted was always just out of reach and somehow something always went wrong. Its as if I were this magnet pulling disaster and trouble in. This was all my fault.

The wind blew a colorful scatter of leaves threw the air, twirling them about in a dance until they blew away to the ground, leaving a trail of dust where they'd fallen a few feet behind Jacob. They marked his sad exit and the beginning of my guilty pain.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Edward clenched his fists in anger as he stood across from my sitting on the bed.

"I could kill him for saying that to you."

I turned my red eyes toward him and whispered "Can you blame him? I deserved that. I'm a horrible person."

Edward shook his head in disbelief and bend down in front of me, taking my face between his hands and looking me deep in the eyes.

"Bella listen to me, you are not a horrible person. You're the sweetest, beautiful, most wonderful girl I've ever met and if any one has a big heart it's you. There's nothing horrible about you, you're my angel."

I shook my head and sniffed, knowing it wasn't true, though still it made me feel a bit better.

"You're just saying that so I won't feel bad."

"No I'm not, honestly I mean that. And it's not just because I love you, though that's part of it, but because it's true."

I smiled and he smiled in return but instantly Jacob's face sprang up in my mind and I turned away with a sigh.

"Then why am I always hurting the people I love?"

"Bella in life someone will always get hurt. Whether it's the child whose father abandoned them or the teacher whose husband left her for another woman, there will always be pain. Everyone goes through their own share of it. It's not your fault."

"So you're saying it's his fault for loving me?!" I asked in half disbelief and half accusing.

Edward came to sit beside me and sighed, closing his eyes and running his fingers through his hair.

I sighed. Edward was just trying to help me and make me feel better and here I was shooting him down with my negativity. There I went again ruining everything. He didn't even like Jacob but instead of gloating like any other boy would have done he was choosing to help me get through this and even suggested I go explain things more clearly to Jacob again. If it were any other boy, he wouldn't want me near Jacob. Then again, Edward had never been like any other boy. He was my beautiful angel, all mine. I smiled at that thought. All mine, I liked that.

I stroked Edward's hair and leaned my face against his cheek.

"I'm sorry Edward. I know you're just trying to help and I'm getting angry with you for no reason."

Edward smiled.

"It's alright Bella. You don't have to apologize. Really I like it when you get angry; it's one of the things I've always loved about you. It's quite amusing actually."

I glared at him but then smirked.

"I'm just so frustrated with myself. I hate seeing you like this and there's nothing I can do to help or make you feel better. I don't want to see you in pain."

_Then you never should have left, _I thought and almost gasped at the cruel words. Why had I thought that?

"I'll get over it soon," I reassured him.

Edward looked at me in disbelief and I bit my lip. What had I said wrong?

"Amazing, you're the one that's troubled and hurting and you're trying to make me feel better?"

"I don't like to see you in pain Edward; it hurts me more than anything else."

Edward looked at me with so much kindness that for a moment I felt myself melting. He leaned in so that our foreheads were touching and whispered "Unbelievable. You really are an angel Bella. My precious angel."

I tried not to scoff. Yeah right. Edward was the angel. So perfect, so beautiful, so kind; how could I ever be worthy of such a gift?

"I love you."

I smiled, feeling my heart warm at those three words.

"I love you too Edward, I always will."

And with that said our lips met in a kiss so tender it left me breathless. I could never give this up, not in a million years. Nothing could ever compare to a love like this.


End file.
